Existential Crisis at 2:08 A.M.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to feel like you’re insane, tearing away at the seams, yet nobody seems to notice? Just me?
Funny, cause it seems like the most isolating feeling in the world.
He wonders why I cry? Why can’t I muster up the words or courage to tell him?
Maybe my heart feels so broken, that the shattered pieces have lacerated my lungs, making me incapable of taking in oxygen to ask him “why don’t you love me?”
“I do love you” he says, trying not to yawn.
Peering over at the alarm set for 8:00 A.M. he feels a wave of exhaustion.
He doesn’t want to have to prove his love all the time, but what if he knew how much those words meant to her.
How she would give him the world to just hear those words.
To hear love poems, and monologues contrived of every memory together.
Beg me to remember, beg me to understand your love for me as I do for you.
Does my heart ache, the tears coming from my eyes show you what you mean to me?
No. Not even those describe the pain that’s washed over me,
The cameras we named Marisol and Valentina vanished,
the way my hand traced down your arm when we danced merengue- never felt again,
the polaroid of us where you held me in your arms with your eyes clenched with joy
I believed, no I believe that is what love looks like!
Don’t tell me you forgot when it’s right there!
Open your eyes, and tell me you love me,
like how the stranger at the bonfire called us “lovebirds”.
Reassure me that I didn’t imagine the depth behind your eyes as you looked into mine,
promise me our adventures still make you feel special, like you’re in a movie.
while I’ll win the oscar for best actress, for her role in: total happiness.
Because baby I won’t lie to you, I loved you when others told me not to,
when I told me not to,
we both know I aspire to be a revolutionary,
but you taught my heart how to revolt against everything.
she would riot and salt the earth behind her.
every “beware”, every signal, every unsurprised sigh from a friend.
I even revolted against myself, I burned to the ground,
torched myself without a second thought.
She desired you so much she dragged herself through deserts, trenches, hell, and back
just for you,
for the freedom to love you outside of her mind.
yet you can’t manage to remind her of your love.
Make her feel like the love story she thought she was in is still alive,
the very love story she fought for,
one that was deemed a dream,
remember when you said our time together was “too good to be true”
The tape is still rolling, it’s not too late for you to tell me you love me.
Tell me that we really are too good to be true
That’s why for a fleeting moment you found it hard to believe in us.
Baby I know it’s 2:08 in the morning, but if you could just let me know
that you really did make love to me those times,
not just have sex.
You’re my knight in shining armor
You don’t have to give me the world, because as long as I have you I have the universe.
That’s what I say about you, our love.
Give me your affection, and I promise that’s all the poetry I need.
Every word that escapes your mouth holds the power to break me in an instant,
That’s how much I value your words.
It’s why your silence is the loudest thing to me, it hurts my ears.
Just tell me you love me, even if you whisper on deafened ears.
He mutters it under his breath,
I grab and shake him senseless,
screaming as a giant puddle of tears- “say it like you mean it”
Baby I’m begging you to say something.
Silence. Silence. Silence.